In my life, I have tried not be too proud or arrogant. I really have no reason to be either. However, there appears to be a fine line between humility and self-loathing that I have managed to cross over.
My wife and I recently scheduled an appointment with the Pastor of our church. It is the first time we have done this in several years. He asked if we would like to meet him right away, he had an appointment, but he could post-pone it for us. I said no. We wound up scheduling the meeting for the following week.
When the phone was hung up, my wife asked if I was sure we shouldn't meet him sooner (we had some personal issues that needed to be addressed quickly) and I said that he was certainly willing to put off his plans and drop everything for us, but I didn't feel I was important enough for that kind of attention.
My wife looked deeply into my eyes and said, "You ARE that important and I wish you could see that."
This is potentially my greatest struggle. Do I have the right to stand up and declare that I am important enough to warrant special attention from anybody? I confess that I have begun to believe that doing so might be better than believing that I am worthless. My self-loathing could be the greatest threat to my family that we will ever face.
Am I up to the task to change this?
Am I man enough to demand respect?
I just don't know...
2 days ago